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January 12, 2011



Unconditional Love

One year ago yesterday I got a phone call from my friend, Cortnae, my sisters' sister in law. She told me Case, my nephew, was in the hospital, something was wrong, he wasn't breathing well. I knew Tasha would call and let me know what was going on. I knew Tasha & Reese would want to be with him. I knew Tasha would want to hold him while he was looked at by the doctors and nurses. It could be asthma or a terrible virus I thought. As time passed my mind was racing and my body tensed up, my stomach hurt. A couple hours passed. Natasha did not call. I tried her, no answer, I figured there wasn't service in the hospital. Me and Michele talked and were both worried, but wanted to be hopeful too. I talked to Lindy and Cortnae. No one knew anything. What could be happening? Rob was home, he hugged me and told me I should go to Coronado, he'd be able to take off work and be home with the kids. I said, let's just wait a little longer, maybe she'll call soon. I had a huge lump in my throat. I wanted to go to my loving, faithful Grandma's house.I went there very discouraged. She kept saying not to give up hope. My uncle Jeremy was there and we talked and tried to analyze the situation and weren't getting anywhere. Then the 3 of us prayed for Case and his Mommy Daddy and big brother and the caretakers in the hospital. Before I left I told them I was going to try get a flight to California that evening. Later that afternoon Rob and I headed to Seatac. I was on my phone with friends and family on the way. Still no news. Then in Marysville I got a call from Laura, Reese's mom, she cried, "Case is gone." Those words were heartwrenching, I wanted to scream, my hope was gone at the time. All these feeling I felt I know were millions of times stronger for my sister. My heart broke for her, Reese and Lane. Rob and I cried as we drove down I-5 in the rain. We said a little prayer. I cried on the plane, I felt like this could not be real, but yet I knew it was. Reese picked me up at the airport. I hugged him. My heart went out to him. I just wanted him to know that no one deserves this. He brought me to their place for the first time. By the front door was Cases stroller. Inside Natasha wept desperately on the couch. I ran to hug her and cry with her and tell her I love her. Her arms were empty, her heart was broken. The next morning I walked through the hallway and saw a lamp was on in Cases room. I walked in his beautiful nursery that was filled with all things Natasha made. So much thought,love and time was put into preparing this nursery for little Case. I looked in the corner and there was Tasha on the chair where she would usually feed Case.......she was reading her bible. To think that Natasha, the one whose loss was thousands......millions of time more drastic than mine reminded me where to go. Her faith is amazing. Here is their 2010 family Christmas card and the announcement of their miracle Estelle Hope.

In 2009 the Joy came easier for Tasha, Reese & Lane than it does now. I know they will always endure pain from Cases death and they will love him unconditionally forever. I think even though Estelle doesn't get to meet Case here, she will know him and love him through his legacy hear on earth. A mother daughter bond is amazing and I know she will want to hear all about her brother, Case William.

I was reading my sister Michele's blog last night. She talked about living and loving. She is such a compassionate faithful person and we are so blessed to have her for a sister. From the time we were little girls she has a nice way of getting me out of sassy moods by just listening and talking. Her and Natasha's blogs are from their hearts and so real.

Wishing you a happy healthy 2011 filled with faith, hope and unconditional love.


Lisa said...

Thank you for sharing that. I am away from CA for a few days and it is hard - it helped me understand in part the emotions you were feeling while you were waiting. Im so happy for thier new little one.

Lindy said...

I remember that day oh so well. My heart broke and like you said I could only imagine it being a million times worse for Natasha and Reese. I remember I listened to "I'll praise you in this Storm" over and over and over and just kept asking "why" to answer I knew I would never receive in this earthly life. Your thoughts of what you were feeling that day I can feel through your writing. Your family has lost so much yet you guys remain strong and have a tight bond...such a great thing to see. I love each and every one of you!!!

michele said...

This post is so touching. Your memory of that tragic day... oh, I am so proud of Natasha for looking to God each day! I am so thankful for our bond as siblings. Can't wait to spend time with you in Seattle.

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